Perhaps Oneday
by X-Kelly-X
Summary: It seemed like he waited forever, but he got there in the end. NG SLASH! Please don't read if it's not what you're into, I've given fair warning. CHAPTER 3 NOW UP!
1. Someday We'll Know

-1Title: Perhaps. Oneday.

Author: X-Kelly-X

Rating: T for some language

Summary: It took them long enough, but they made it in the end

If someone had told me a month ago that Nick Stokes would be standing in front of me asking me out for breakfast I totally would have laughed them off and told them to stop messing with my heart. However, I'm starting to rethink that, as he is in fact doing exactly that right now. Okay, so it's just breakfast, I don't even know if he thinks of this as a date, but I do know he's pulled a double, he's tired & it was a kid. A dead kid. He takes it hard, we all do, but for some reason this one has really effected him, he looks like shit, to be frank and I think he just needs someone to talk to. And far be it from me to deny him that.

"So, are you coming or not?" he asks with a slightly amused look on his face. I must be gawping like an idiot.

"Yeah, yeah of course, let me just grab my wallet and I'll meet you out front, that cool?"

"Yeah sure, see you in a minute", he walks away with a slight shake of his head and lets out a small chuckle. What I wouldn't give to hear that chuckle every night before I sleep.

As I walk to the locker room I think about what this could mean, for all I know it's just breakfast and a friendly ear. On the other hand it could be the start for something I've dreamed about often enough. I wouldn't say it was love at first sight, I'm not even sure I love him yet, but I know he means more to me than anyone else I've ever dated, and I know I want to see where this could go for us. Love. Now that is a scary thought, I don't think I've ever really loved someone, but with Nick I want the whole deal, house, kids, 2 dogs and a white picket fence. Okay, slow down, it's breakfast and all I'm having with him right now is sausage, bacon and eggs.

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"Took you long enough."

"Yeah, sorry, had to update Grissom on my case real quick, he sure does know how to drag it out."

"No worries, lets go though, I'm starved."

As he leads the way to the diner I start thinking again, this time about how the team would take it if they found out, I'm sure they'd all be supportive, Grissom would over analyse it all of course. I'm jumping way ahead here, but hey, I gotta hold on to something, right? All those horrible cases I see everyday, I just have to have this little ray of hope in my life, something that I can cling onto no matter how slim the chances of it ever being real are.

We both order coffee and while Nick goes with sausage, eggs, bacon, tomato and well, the whole works, I settle for French toast. However, I'm not sure I'll have an appetite by the end of this. Well, I suppose it could one of two ways, I'll either have a hunger for something not food related, or not want to eat anything for a very long time, I have to make my move, and I have to do it now, while I have the chance.

"So, what's up?"

"Nothing, just had a tough case, didn't think you'd mind listening to me vent."

"Hey, I've never complained before have I?"

"No, you haven't and I never doubted that you would," he said with a smile, but then he got serious and I knew it was time for me to as well. "I just can't get used to it, she was only six and her father said she asked for it, talked about her like some hooker working the streets. Six years old and she lost her innocence and her life all in one night. It just kills me that we can't give these kids any justice until it's too late, I hate that they have to go through it, see the worst a person can be at such a young age. I'm sorry to put all this on you, it's just that you know the ob and you know it's hardships, so I guess you understand."

"Of course I do, and I also think that on the day you get used to it is the day you quit, if you get used to it then you can't care about the victims anymore, so what is there to work for? It's a struggle, and sometimes it's really shitty, but at the end of the day you're bringing justice to those who can no longer speak for themselves, that's why we're here right?"

"Yeah, you're right."

"I know I am, I always am, people should listen to me more often," I say with a smile, and I'm glad to see Nick smiling right back at me.

"You know, there is another reason I asked you here…"

This is it, he's going to ask me out and we're gonna have kids and dogs and, oh, right he's talking…

"…maybe sometime we could double date or something, I mean my girlfriend is always asking me about it so I figure I know hoe stupid it is, but y'know, it could be fun just a nice dinner and drinks or something. So what do you think?"

"_NO," _is what I think_, "no ten times over", _but of course I smile politely and tell him that would be great.

Wait, what am I thinking I could never do that I could never control myself while he was all over his girlfriend, who's probably some leggy blonde who's so much better looking than I am or could ever be.

So while I'm trying to decide what to do Nick announces he's leaving, but as he walks past me I grab his hand and pull him down to kiss him, eyes open, sloppy and somewhat perfect. Except he doesn't think so and I don't think I've ever seen a man run so fast as he did out of the diner. That's when I realised it, I, Greg Sanders was not only in love with Nick Stokes, but in deep, deep shit.


	2. From Here To Nowhere

-1So it's been a week and we've been acting civil, but to be honest civil really doesn't cut it anymore. I need to know one way or the other how he feels about me. If the occasional flirting and touches are any indication then I'm sure there's something there, but maybe he's just like that with everyone.

As I'm grabbing my coat from my locker on my way out I can see him in the corner of my eye, and he looks like he has something to say.

"Hey, Greg I think we need to talk. I know you probably don't want to but we need to, so I'll see you in the diner in ten minutes, okay?"

All I can do is nod, here I was thinking he wasn't talking to me, maybe I'm the one who wasn't talking to him. And my little ray of hope is back as I realise we could work this out, even if we have to be friends, just friends, I could deal with that. I'm in love with him. Yes. But as long as we can be friends I can deal with whatever heartache has to come with it.

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"Just let me talk," he says as I walk into the diner, "I didn't know you felt like that, man. But I have a girlfriend, what do you expect me to do? Just up and leave because you want to live out your fantasy with me? It's not gonna happen man, you're one of my best friends and I don't want to lose that, but if you're going to come between me and my girlfriend then forget it, because I can't handle my best friend trying to make me unhappy."

"No, Nick, let me talk. All I want is to not fuck this up, I wanna be your friend. I care about you okay? I would never, hear me, never sabotage your happiness just because I can't get want I want, you got that? Maybe if you were really my friend you'd get it, instead of thinking you're all self-righteous and I'm just the one with some twisted gay fantasy. Got it?"

As I stand up to leave I wondered if it was possible to hurt this much, not because he didn't't want me, but because he thought I wanted to sabotage the love that he has. I just want him to be happy and if he can't see that then it's his loss, I can't be friends with anyone who would even think that of me.

"C'mon, man, don't walk away from this, I was just angry I know you'd never do that to me."

"Just the fact that you could even think it kills me, so forget it Nick, you don't have to worry anymore. I was thinking about moving back home anyway and maybe this is just the perfect time, we can forget about this and I'll be gone in a month."

Now as I walk away from him I realise what I'd be leaving behind, not just Nick, but the whole team. They're like my family in Vegas, a home from home and now it seems as though I'm leaving that behind, just because of one guy. Sure, I've been heartbroken before. Fuck, I've had my heart ripped out and stamped on my some bastards, but all the same like I said I've been thinking about this for a while, not just because of Nick, but I miss home and I miss the people.

Vegas seemed like an adventure when I started but now it's just body after body, scene after scene filled with blood and hatred and betrayal and I don't know how much more I can take before I break. Okay so it's bad in San Francisco as well, but there's just so much less hatred and discrimination there. The more I think about it the more it makes sense, I need to be where my roots are, I need that comfort. I need to know that at the end of a shift I can go surfing, or cry into my mother's shoulder, just like I've always been able to do, no matter how pathetic it may seem. I love my family here, I do, and I feel terrible for breaking it up, but I need my real family, a fresh start. If I can't have Nick, then I need to find something else to live for, because now my hope's gone and I'm never going to get it back. Not in Sin City anyway.

He doesn't try to stop me as I walk away, and I don't look back, no matter how much it hurts. I'm done.

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I walk straight into Grissom's office when I get back from the diner, and I tell it straight. I want to give in two weeks notice and take two weeks holiday to get my stuff together. Of course he tries to persuade me otherwise, telling me what an asset I am, but I won't be dragged back in.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Greg?"

"I've thought about it for a long time, and I know I just need to get out now, before I break. You have no idea how much it's going to hurt to leave you guys, but I'm done here."

"Okay then, well, I can make this effective tomorrow, just leave the backlog for dayshift and I'll have to get someone from swing to fill your place. This is a great loss Greg, both to the lab and to be personally, I just hope you know that."

I'm shocked, I honestly am, I think that's the most personal thing Grissom's ever said to, well, maybe anyone. "I'm sorry, I really am, but I've made up my mind, this is what I need, maybe not what I want but definitely what I need."

"Okay, well I'll call the crime lab in San Francisco tonight and see what we can set up."

"Thank you. Oh, and Grissom, shift ended an hour ago, and Sara's standing outside your office, I don't mean to push, but maybe you should go home now."

I wink at him and I see the hint of a smile on his face as I push myself out of the chair. I turn back and tell him to tell the team to be at my apartment after shift on Saturday for a goodbye party. Then I walk out of his office for the last time and it's as though a huge weight has been lifted. No more dreams of dogs and kids. No more fantasies of Nick moaning beneath me, this particular nightmare is over for me now.

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There's a picture on my wall, it shows happy people, there's me, Sara, Catherine, Grissom, Nick, Warrick, Archie, Hodges, Brass, Super Dave and Doc Robbins. It was taken outside the lab after shift one day, we'd just cracked a case involving a 6 year old who'd been kidnapped. We found her safe and well and I don't think any of us had ever taken a case so personally. At the end of the shift we asked Judy to take a picture, we all wanted it to be documented what an amazing team we are, so there I am, before I was a CSI, I was always part of the family. Nick's ruffling my hair with his hand, this is how I want to remember him.

I figure I might as well start packing now, just the stuff I'm not going to need before I leave so I can send it ahead. As I'm putting away all my books, DVD's and CD's I find the CD Nick gave me for my last birthday, Marilyn Manson's best of album. He's always known me, even when it comes down to what he thinks is terrible music taste he knows that it's MY taste, and that's what matters most.

I go back to the picture and slide it out of it's frame, it's not helping to have it on show at the moment, only reminding me of what I'm leaving behind. I put it in my dresser for safe keeping and hope I can forget about it for a while whilst I continue packing.

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After an hour and a half of stacking boxes full of DVD's half of which I've never even watched I decide it's time for a well deserved break and slump on the couch with a beer to watch TV. But before I know where I am I'm being woken up by a news alert. I guess I should go to bed, so that's exactly what I do and for the first time in weeks, I don't dream of Nick.


	3. What Hurts The Most

It's Saturday morning and since everyone I know works the night shift this is when we're having the party. I have beer, snacks and music and as far as I know everyone is coming… including Nick, I just hope we can say goodbye civilly.

The buzzer goes and I know it's the whole team because apparently they're coming straight from work. As I answer the door and greet everyone Nick slips past claiming he needs to use the bathroom. I know I can deal with this, all I want is a good send off, then I'll have no regrets, and I won't look back.

By the time Nick re-appears I'm knocking back my third beer, and coupled with the three shots of Tequila I had previously, it's starting to take effect already. Eventually Catherine and Warrick decide everyone is drunk enough to play "I've never" and seeing as this party is in honor of me leaving, I get picked to go first, so, what haven't I done? I decide to go with the classic "I've never used sex toys" and despite the strange looks everyone other than Nick and Grissom drinks a shot. I'm shocked by Sara's public admission and by the look on his face and the cushion now conveniently positioned on his lap, Grissom is too.

Its Catherine's turn next, and she claims she's never slept with a woman so of course all us guys drink a shot. Its Nick's turn next, and he is even more drunk than I am right now. He says " I have never had sex with a guy" and to that all the girls plus me drink a shot, although by this point everyone is too drunk to notice, but Nick notices and he won't stop staring at me.

Eventually Grissom calls a cab and it's been decided that Nick should stay on my couch since he doesn't have work later. I reassure everyone I'll stop by the lab before I go and once they've left I start clearing everything up.

As I'm cleaning up Nick stirs and says my name "Greg? Oh thank God I'm still at yours. I don't want you to say anything, just come with me, please?"

He's drunk. He's walking towards my bedroom. I shouldn't follow him but this could be my last chance. This is my closure, or at least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself. It's what I tell myself when I feel his lips against mine. This isn't like our first "kiss", if you can even call it that, this is just pure lust and raw passion. I kiss him right back and run my tongue over his, I can taste the beer and the tequila and it's only a reminder of how drunk he is, but I just don't care.

He pulls my shirt off and his follows shortly, I run my hands up his defined stomach and link them round his neck to pull his tongue even further into my mouth. My jeans feel like they're getting tighter, and as Nick's hand trails down to undo my button and zipper, I don't know how much more I can take.

Before I know where we are, we're both completely stripped and Nick's pinning me on the bed, hands grasping to bring each other closer, and mouths clashing as though we could lose each other at any minute. He's stroking up and down my hard length, and I know I'm about to come, but as I reach for his own cock he pushes my hand away and tells me he wants to come hard and fast inside me. I couldn't help it then, couldn't hold back any longer, and he smiles sweetly as he leans down to lick the come off my stomach. Before long I'm hard again and practically begging for it, frightened that he'd sober up and realize what he was doing. Eventually I tell him where the condoms and lube are and in no time at all he's moving in and out of me, with an almost perfect rhythm. I can hear him groaning behind me, I can feel him brushing against my prostate with every thrust, but most importantly I can see how perfectly his hand fits with mine as he's holding them above my head. I feel myself come again, and as he shoots inside me I hear a whisper of my name from his lips. This may not have been perfect timing, or under the perfect circumstances, but it's closure. It's out of my system now and there's nothing more that needs to be done, or can be done about it.

* * *

Why is it that the night before always has to have a morning after? Honestly, you'd think we'd get some kind of forgiveness, but I suppose this is punishment for all those awful drunken mistakes, huh?

I think I wake up first, although through the haze of my hangover it's hard to tell. I try my best to get out of my apartment before he wakes up. But I guess he's a light sleeper or something because he stirs as soon as I creak the bedroom door open. In those blissful seconds before he realizes something's wrong, I remember why I fell for him, that body, the charm, his sense of humor, and the way he always looked out for me just to name a few. Then all Hell breaks loose.

"Greg? That you man?" he mumbles, voice still think with sleep, and even thicker with that accent.

"Yeah, you kind of passed out over here last night, thought I'd just let you sleep it off" a believable story I think… until he realizes he's butt naked,

"So, you undressed me? Oh. Fuck. No." This isn't going as well as I'd have hoped.

"Listen man, you can go, act like nothing's happened, I'm leaving this evening. No one ever has to know. You never have to so much as think of me again."

"Fucking Hell Greg! We have sex and I'm expected to not give a crap? Screw you man, you're sick."

"Well you sure as hell didn't think I was sick last night did you?! Bastard"

And with that I'm out of the door, I'm sure he can get himself dressed and leave by the time I get back. I just didn't think closure would hurt this bad.

* * *

Sitting alone in an airport terminal really helps you think, I think of what I'm leaving behind. I think of my new start. I think of Nick. Nick; with his Texan twang and toned abs. Nick; who I'm turning my life upside down because of.

I hoped for a cliché "Only You" type moment, where Nick would come running into the airport and hold me like he never wanted to let go. But this isn't the movies, this is real hardcore life. I have to let go.


End file.
